Many women believe they should know everything their husband or man is thinking, the secrets he has are little demons, tearing us apart. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is necessary for each individual in a relationship to have their own unique world, their own thoughts, and privately held feelings that belong to only them and no one else.

Being married or close doesn’t mean you’ve become one person. It means loving, honoring and respecting the other and sharing what can be shared. If a man (or woman) feels there isn’t room to have their own thoughts and experiences while in a relationship, they’ll likely feel their individuality and sense of self is being lost over time. Needless to say, a good relationship not only brings two people closer, but enhances each person’s sense of self worth and individuality. Here are a few secrets that men often keep to themselves, and reasons why it is important to let them.

1) Secret: That he looks at and is attracted to other women

Don’t try to pry into this. There are some women who keep asking their man whether or not he is attracted to other women. A man who doesn’t look at women, or feel anything for even the most attractive among them is either very old, very tired or just lying to you. There isn’t anything wrong with a married or attached man who looks at and admires other women. That is if he does it discretely, and doesn’t make a show of it in front of others or you – as long as he doesn’t use it to make you insecure or competitive with the other women.

Looking at and responding to others doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you desirable, or that he’s comparing you. Most men fuel their sexuality and fantasies by looking at and admiring others. If you ask them to talk about it, not only will it make you nervous, but they can often feel shamed, embarrassed and exposed, unable to do what they do naturally, without being censured. Enjoy his love for you and leave well enough alone.

2) Secret: The details of his previous relationships

Some women are obsessed with finding out everything about their man’s past relationships. They need to know if they measure up, if he’s as happy with them as he was with others, what went wrong in the past relationships, or if he’s really over a past love. There’s no need to probe into this. People change and he was a different man in the past. Don’t hold his past mistakes and relationships against him. He doesn’t want to constantly be reminded of them, and particularly doesn’t want you to see him in a bad light. Relax and let him be who is he now.

Let him feel good about how he is with you, not be dragged past into memories of other people or of what did or did not do. The best way for him to forget old girlfriends is to feel happy and close with you.

3) Secret: Whether or not he’s truly happy in your relationship

Many women just can’t leave well enough alone. Every chance they have they want to get into a discussion about their relationship. They want to know how he’s feeling about things, and at some point, pin him down to get all the details. This makes most men feel pressured, put on the spot and restless. They don’t know exactly what you want them to tell you or what it’s going to mean. Some fear repercussions for what they say. Healthy communication in a relationship is on-going without drama. Communicate often and keep it “light”.

Sitting down for an “serious” discussion is not something most men are comfortable with so reserve it fr truly serious situations.

4) Secret: Whether he enjoys being with his friends more than being with you

Many women become possessive of their man’s attention and resentful of time spent away from them, particularly nights out with the guys or any time spent with other friends, having a good time. The women want to be included in everything as proof of his love for them. When the guy has spent time with his buddies, they want to know if he enjoyed that time more than being with them. It is a bad idea to question him about this, or make him feel that he has to choose. Time spent with buddies is crucial for many men, it is a time of male bonding that is greatly needed, no matter how much he cares for you.

Some women interfere with her man’s friendships and even his relationship with his family, she feels so threatened. But truly loving someone means allowing them to be all of whom they are – fulfilling all their needs and realizing that no matter how much they love you they also need others in their lives. When you have a truly healthy relationship, you are secure in his feelings for you, and want to see him happy and fulfilled with others. The more fulfilled he is, the more he can then give to you. Let the time he has with his buddies belong to him. Don’t question him about details, don’t make him feel guilty as though he is taking something away from you.

Mothers can be very baby centered and for good reason. After all, when God creates little babies, He makes them irresistible, maybe so mothers will endure the rigors of taking care of them.

Yet even during the first months of life with baby, it’s important to nurture your marriage. The stronger your bond is with your mate, the more secure and happy your baby will be. Dates don’t have to be elaborate, expensive or even outside of your own home. New parents have to be creative about spending quality time together, even if it is just for a few moments.

Here are ten free or almost free ideas to choose from:

1. Look through old photos from your dating days. Reminisce about your first date. What were you wearing? Where did you go? What was your first impression?

2. Share a scoop of ice cream together. Use one bowl and two spoons. Talk about the highlight and low light of your day.

3. Cuddle up and have a movie night for mom (chick flick). The next week, have a movie night for dad (action, drama or comedy).

4. List 5 things you love about your spouse. Exchange lists over a glass of sparkling cider.

5. Get a baby sitter and walk around the park hand in hand without the stroller. Kiss at the swings.

6. Heat up some massage oil and give your spouse a massage.

7. Have a candlelight dinner in your home or backyard.

8. Go to a coffee shop together. Talk about how you can meet one another’s needs better.

9. Take a hot bubble bath.

10. After the kids are asleep, take a blanket out to the backyard. Lie down and watch the stars together.

As you can see, you don’t need a lot of time or money to date your mate. Any of these things can be done even with a new baby. You just have to be intentional about planning special moments together. Don’t exchange romance for a diaper bag when you can have both. Just look your husband in the eye, hold hands, shut out the rest of the world from time to time, and date.

This article was submitted by Arlene Pellicane. For more great information visit her website at Losing Weight After Baby.